Understanding the Gifts of Your First Soulmates
In each lifetime, we share our main experiences with virtually the same group of souls. Whether those souls inspire and support us, or trigger and criticize us, the soul (and sole) purpose of these friends-of-our-soul - these soulmates - is to provide a relationship, which will give us the opportunity to bring out our very best. However, what we often find is that these prime relationships seem to do exactly the opposite. Even our relationship with our mother or father can become one of our worst, and can continue to influence other prime relationships if it is not understood psychologically and spiritually as the karmic gift that it is.
Before you incarnated, you deliberately asked a specific soulmate to be your mother and another one to be your father, for as your parents, they would be in a unique position to influence you and have the greatest effect. In order to understand those soulmate gifts now, you can step back, or regress, to a memory of your parents when you were a child - not through your perception as an adult with 20/20 hindsight - but through your eyes and emotions as a child. Then on a sheet of paper, you can list a few seemingly negative characteristics you attributed to your mother and a few you attributed to your father. You might use words or phrases such as “abusive”, “neglectful”, “never there” or “always criticizing”. After you’ve written out a few for both mom and dad, then add a few descriptions of positive qualities you would attribute to each of them, such as “eager to please”, “genuinely flattering”, “strong” or “gentle”. That sort of thing.
Next, write out a few words or sentences that can best describe what you really wanted or felt you needed as a child. For example, maybe you “wanted to be heard” or “to be seen as smart”. After that, separately list a couple of positive memories you have of your childhood: maybe things you did or experiences you were part of. Beside each of the positive memories, write out a few feelings you associate with each of those memories.
Lastly, in this psycho-spiritual content-gathering exercise, make a short list of some repetitive childhood frustrations you may have had and how you responded to them in feeling. For example, “always being put in charge of my younger siblings made me feel used”.
Okay, that’s enough exploring and writing for now. Do you want to see whether you have gained from those first soulmate experiences or whether you are just repeating them without learning? Then look at your list and use it to fill in the following statements: In my current relationships I am always trying to get a person who is (fill in the blank with the words you used to describe the negative things about mom and dad) to always be (fill in the words you used to describe those positive things you valued from mom and dad) so that I can get (fill in those words you used to describe what you really wanted or needed as a child) and feel (fill in only those words you used to describe the feelings you associated with those good memories of childhood). And lastly, continue with: But I unconsciously stop myself from getting what I want by feeling (fill in with those words you used to describe how you responded to repetitive childhood frustrations.)
Now read it again. And perhaps again. Are you just repeating patterns those first soulmates presented to you, or do you see that your current relationships really show you’ve learned from the soulmate gifts and are now making valuable conscious choices that bring out your very best?
Jonni's writings have appeared in The Common Ground, The Good Life in Vancouver, First Lines, The Intuitive Connections Network, The Good Life Connoisseur, Planning For Profit, Burnaby Now and other local and national publications.
